do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My pussy is not your playground.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
