a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
should my penis look like a turkey
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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