I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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