Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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