You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
