just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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