No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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