Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
