I think my vagina is haunted
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
