ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
