On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
