I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
