Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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