I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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