Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
