Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
