Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
