Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
