I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
