i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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