Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
