WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
