Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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