plz talk dirty to me
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize