i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
