I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
