do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
