Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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