If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
