I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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