Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
