You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
