New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
