I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You're my little dorito
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
