Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
