So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
