normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
