If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
