I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
