It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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