Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I can text with my tongue
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
