weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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