i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
