break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
