New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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