Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
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