I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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