There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
