Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
