She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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