hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I AM VODKA MAN
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
