I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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