yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
