I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
