Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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