Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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