apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
