There was a lot of him and a little penis
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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