I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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