ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just want to make out with him forever
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
