I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i think my cat just said my name.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
