I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
