she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
