I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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