someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
