WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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