I think I died a long time ago.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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