Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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