Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
