So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
