You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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