It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
