I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
