ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
