I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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