All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
