Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
