i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
