i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
