New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize