and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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