So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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