I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i need an iv and a liver transplant
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
