Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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