this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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