Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
