garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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