if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
