I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
