Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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