can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
