Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
