put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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