I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
