Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
