can u get pink eye on your cock?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
