ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
