He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
