I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize