Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
