i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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