Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize