yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
