I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it was like eating out sand paper
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
