I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
