I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize