Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
