You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
