i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
