I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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